Saturday, April 05, 2003 song: tyrese - how you gonna act like that
im tired today. it feels like millions and millions of thoughts rushed in my head from the time i woke up and till now. they are still rushing through my head. great wonderful times where analysis was not needed to the distinct painful times where i cannot open my eyes for long for the fear of my tears falling frm them.
i was tired. life seemed to shift endlessly everyday. uncertainty came with time. change seemed eminent, as much as i protested. as much as i voiced my words, felt my thoughts, or took care of the people, nothing worked. nothing worked and i had to disappear.
change came with disappearance. so much that i dont recognize anything any longer.
posted by post_it
Friday, April 04, 2003 song: mindless self indulgence - faggot
i knew it was too good to last forever. this calm where shit wont happen. i dont think i have anyway to express the anger, the pain, the negativity lurking in me any longer. why should i? it's not like anyone really cares. i tell, they just think it's just a fucken story im telling them. screw who ever says that. i mean, fuck, they dont know they got real people at their hands. everything's happy to them, even if someone's crying in front of their fucken face. man, screw those fake asses. i dont like talking to them, and i swear, as long as i can help it, i will never ever talk to those fakes and phonies any more.
yah, that's right. i dont care for those people, even if i talked to them before and tried to treat them right. yah, that's right, im pissed and i cant even tell the person that pissed me off cuz she's too fucken fake to talk to. she'll just shove it off somewhere else and dismiss it.
you know what deep down inside, im really tired. i want to move/just end my life here. i dont see a great ass future for myself anyways. but u know what? im too much of an ass to do any thing so i still exsist. im still here arent i?
posted by post_it
Thursday, April 03, 2003 song: frou frou - breathe in
i really guard my emotions towards many people. i dont like telling them about my vulnerbility and all that. when i let my guard down, it's because the other person has let their guard down as well. i dont mind sharing certain things, but other things, i hide until i think it's safe to say something about it.
that wasnt me a few months ago. i wonder if this is affecting any of my writing, since i havent written poetry in a while. i use to open my big mouth about everything and then let things fly around by themselves. i guess, it's because i've been hurt by that method too many times to go on doing that.
yes, "magic" doesnt lasts forever, but if one is lucky, it does sustain its time and slowly fade into a distant memory. for the "magic" is what gives life its meaning. "magic" produces life's ups and downs or drama as some may call it. "magic" creates passion in one, provokes anger, and gives love its mystery and reknown spark. (note that magic is in quotations).
posted by post_it
Wednesday, April 02, 2003 song: eminem - sing for the moment
i went to chinatown for the whole morning today. it was busier than i would expect on a wednesday. walked around, bought stuff, family got seperated into like 4 bits and pieces around chinatown.
i went to buy some things in this store and i saw something that i could buy for my mom. so i bought it. i walk across the street to wait for ne1 in my family to come along. so my mom and brother come along first. my brother saw me and saw that i was hiding something so he ran across the street and accidentally kicked me in the toe and tried to grab the bag away frm me. dumbass, he got my toe bleeding. walked a lil more. and then went home with very little gas in my dad's car.
tired when i got home and went to sleep for a long long time. i think for a while, i dreamt of being in a car wash..not sure anymore.
part of my family went of to chinatown again, but this time to run errands. thank god i refused to go. too tired, and my toe's broken =(
posted by post_it
Monday, March 31, 2003 song: john mayer - back to you
tired. tired from boredom. tired. tired from all the thoughts swirling in my head that shouldnt be swirling in my head now. confused. confused at all things in life that was suppose to convey meaning, emotion, and what not, but doesnt for me lately. possibly due to my lack of interest.
yes, conversation means a lot to me. but when a person tries to chat me up but doesnt seem to be quite that interesting, i space out and look around my surroundings. i also do that space and and look at surroundings thing when im tired, or just not interested in what anyone says at that point, so dont be offended when i do that =b.
Sunday, March 30, 2003 song: utada hikaru - automatic
i was suppose to take vannie out to buy some stuff for her burnt face (due to a track meet, and so she says), but she went to chinese school, so i couldnt. so i went with brother, sister, and aunt. didn't walk this time, but drove (ooOOoo). good thing we did because it was BURNING hot out there.
so i went to big five because my brother wanted to buy more weight thingies. i protested and said that we dont have space at home ne more for his crap. good thing he listened to me because when we came home, it turned out that we really didnt have space for that punching bag. after being in that store (which was less messier today) for half an hour or so, we finally went to a place to eat. eh...i'd rather be home and eat now rather than going out every weekend or so eating here and there (strange huh?).
what's next? i hope my aunt takes the day off so we can go to the beach. good day for that, but i doubt we'll be going. so im gonna take this day to relax at home...feeling the fat on my legs grow and grow...=/...that's it, im gonna go and run tomorrow early in the morning...
posted by post_it
